Sometimes people feel like getting into kink at all, they have to suddenly have this whole new identity. It’s not just a thing to do, but a whole lifestyle. But this isn’t true! You can get into kink as much or as little as you like. There are so many kinky things that are just about exploring a different mood or fantasy, sometimes even without any accessories needed. Being curious doesn’t have to commit you to anything.

Start With What Interests You

First, think about what appeals to you. Is it certain power dynamics, roleplay, specific materials? As you start thinking these through, you can consider what the simplest way to explore it might be.

Once you’ve figured out some of your strongest desires, you can start to explore yourself, or ask your partner to explore it with you. A great starting point with a partner is finding some of the kinks that you both are interested in.

Safety First

Of course, you should also set up easy outs and stopping points. A good method is a ‘traffic light system’ where you have signals for green, keep going, yellow, pause to check in, and red means stop completely. It’s good to have both a verbal and non-verbal signal.

Start with the easiest version of your shared idea. You don’t need to make the whole evening unfamiliar.

For sensory curiosity, compare the feel of soft fabrics on a hand or forearm, keeping your eyes open and giving feedback. For dressing up, choose one accessory you feel comfortable wearing. For taking the lead, practice asking clearly for an agreed activity while your partner keeps the same freedom to decline.

A Few Useful Starting Points

100 Questions About Sex ($21). A great starting point for exploring the basics of kink and sex. Great for people who don’t know where to start.
Bondage Mini Book ($12). For those looking specifically to get into bondage, this mini book gives you some excellent visuals and guidance on what to buy for what activity.
Sportsheets Sex & Mischief Enchanted 4-Piece Starter Kit Burgundy ($25.99). Ready for an easy starting point? Check out this kit together.
Swiss Navy Water-Based Lubricant (from $19). Always handy for trying new things in bed and using toys. Check the instructions for compatibility.

Your First Experiment

Leave a little time afterwards to talk. What felt comfortable? What was awkward? Would you repeat it? Ask what each person would like and how you’d like to continue in the future.