It might be something many people don’t think about, but the healthiest relationships actually have a strong solo pleasure component to them. Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish or a sign your partner is missing something. It can actually be a great way to understand your own body and better enjoy time as a couple.
The Case for Solo Play
Solo pleasure is best in a relationship when it is used as a means of self-discovery. It’s how you learn what feels good, what rhythms work for your body, and what kind of stimulation brings you to the edge. That way, you can communicate better with your partner when it comes time. Think of it like practice for the real thing - even pro athletes still practice, because it lets them hone in on the important skills and warm up. You can think of solo time as practice, exploration, and self-care all rolled into one.There’s no shame in it. Your pleasure is valid, whether or not someone else is in the room.
The Case for Couples Play
By couples play, I mean using toys and bringing new experiences to the bedroom. Rather than just regular sex, items like these, massage oil, and other intimacy products help to say: “I want to explore with you. I want us both to feel amazing.” It opens up conversations about desires and fantasies that might never happen otherwise. Couples who introduce toys often report higher satisfaction, not because the toys replace anything, but because they enhance what’s already there.
Products for Every Mood
So, let’s take a look at a couple of our products that can help with this:
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LELO Smart Wand 2 Large (Aqua), $189. The gold standard of wand vibrators. With 10 powerful vibration settings and a body-safe silicone head, the Smart Wand 2 delivers deep, rumbly sensations perfect for solo stress relief or warming up with a partner. Whisper-quiet and fully waterproof.
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Lovense Lush 4 Bluetooth Egg Vibrator, $149. This one works both as a solo or partner play piece beautifully. Use it solo to explore G-spot pleasure, or hand the app controls over to your partner for some long-distance or in the bedroom fun. The updated design stays in place perfectly while delivering powerful, customizable vibrations.
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ROMP Riot Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator, $35. For an accessible entry point into solo exploration, a small bullet vibrator is a smart choice. This compact toy packs serious power for external stimulation, and at this price point, it’s worth trying out. Great alone, but also equally good for adding clitoral stimulation during partnered play.
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Playground Late Checkout Couples Intimacy Set, $17. The ultimate overnight indulgence for couples. This set includes everything you need for a spontaneous intimate evening. Perfect for keeping in a travel bag or surprising your partner on a weekend getaway.
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Earthly Body Edible Massage Oil (Strawberry), $20.50. Sometimes the best couples play doesn’t involve vibrators at all. This edible massage oil smells incredible and turns a simple massage into extended foreplay. Reconnect through the senses and have fun with it!
Finding Your Balance
The key isn’t choosing between solo and couples play. It’s embracing both. Here’s how to find that balance:
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Schedule “me time.” Yes, you can even put it on the calendar if it's not something common for you. Solo pleasure shouldn’t just be what happens out of necessity. It’s a practice worth on its own.
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Share what you learn. After some solo exploration, bring those discoveries back to your partner. Saying “I found out I really like this...” is a great way to keep things exciting.
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Try mutual masturbation. Actually a great middle ground. You both get into the moment together, but each focuses on learning their own pleasure. It’s incredibly intimate and teaches you so much about what your partner enjoys.
Both solo time and partner time can be valuable. When you nurture both, everyone wins. Don’t make it an either/or choice.
