We all have fantasies. But sorting through which ones are safe to explore and how to safely explore them can be a bit more intimidating than one might think.
Still, the starting point is almost always the same: starting a conversation about it with your partner. One 2020 study found that couples who openly discussed their sexual fantasies reported higher relationship satisfaction. Even when they didn’t follow through with it. Just figuring out what’s worth exploring is good.
Ok, so let’s say you have laid your cards on the table - now what? Sometimes the ‘hill to climb’ can feel really intimidating. Don’t worry though, this is an area that allows for a long, gradual slope if you need it.
Sensory play is a great place to start. That’s blindfolds, feather ticklers, ice, warm oil. Scary, I know, but it’s good to start with light experimentation and build toward what you’re looking for. The better you get to know each other’s bodies, and your own, the more likely you’ll know what you can handle. Sensory play is low risk and it shifts the dynamic without anything dramatic.
Then, let’s say you’re looking for bondage. You can start with soft, comfortable grips before advancing upward. Satin, fuzzy handcuffs, velvet wrist ties are some easy options. Of course, agree on a safe word, even for something simple. It’s good to get used to boundaries and roleplay.
Or, let’s say you’re looking for anal play. For this, it's good to know the basics: lube is critical, as the area doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina. Then, start really slow, small, and stop if things start to hurt. There’s no problem going one step at a time.
• Ouch! 3-Piece Introductory Bondage Kit (Purple). $32. Three beginner-friendly pieces. A perfect starter pack. Enough to experiment without being overwhelmed by a 12-piece kit. Also available in black.
• Sportsheets Sex & Mischief Enchanted 4-Piece Starter Kit (Burgundy). $34. Restraints and sensory items from a brand that's been doing this a long time. Good for couples dipping into power play without being a big commitment.
• Exsens Escape Pleasure Kit. $35. Travel-ready set of sensual oils and enhancers. This is good for sensory play to start your journey.
• JO H2O Anal Warming Water-Based Lubricant. $16. Water-based, compatible with silicone toys and condoms. The right first step if anal play is the curiosity.
