How to Talk to Your Partner About Trying Something New

Most people have some things rattling around in their head that they want to try, even in the spur of the moment. What stops them from communicating this is the embarrassment and shame that creeps up when thinking about saying their desires aloud.

A 2026 Columbia study of 2,555 US adults found only 49% had ever discussed sexual health with a romantic partner. Less than half.

But the upside to these conversations is even better than most people expect, especially for couples that have been together a long time and are ready to try new things. The effect is about 4x as strong among married couples than people who are just dating, based on recent studies.

Timing Beats Wording

What’s most important is getting the timing right. Don’t do it in bed. Don’t do it right after sex. Don’t do it while arguing.

Better timing is when you are both doing something mundane together: for example, when you are driving, cooking, or walking the dog. If you are side by side doing a task together, it applies less pressure and provides an easy exit if it's too uncomfortable.

Lead with curiosity. "I read something about this and I got curious.” Then, make it easy to say no. “It’s completely fine if you’re not into it.”

Finally, offer them a chance to discuss anything they’re interested in. A back and forth makes for a much better conversation.

Let Something Else Do the Asking

You can also let more options come up ‘naturally,’ especially if you’re just interested in general exploration and spicing things up. We have some good options for this kind of thing:

●       100 Questions About Sex ($28). Exactly what it sounds like. It works well for a first real conversation because the questions start mild and build from there.

●       Love Language Couples Game ($34). Built around five relationship areas, so it covers connection generally and not just the bedroom. A good pick if the conversation feels too pointed on its own.

●       Box of Dares: 100 Prompts for Couples ($22.50). One hundred sealed prompts. You draw one and do it, which skips the negotiation entirely.

●       The Naughty and Nice Dates Kit ($22.50). 104 date ideas running from sweet to spicy. Useful for couples where "something new" doesn't only mean sex.

Initial Steps

1. Pick one thing. Not a list. It’s much easier to engage with one request.
2. Choose the right timing.
3. Ask for a trial run first. “We can try it, and if we’re not comfortable, do something else.”